It may sound unbelievable, but I didn’t truly discover my passion until graduate school. Reflecting on my journey, I want to share why it took me so long and more importantly, what real passion feels like. If you haven’t yet figured out what lights you up, I hope my story brings you closer to finding yours.
The Early Years: Decisions Made for Me
I grew up in an environment where many decisions were made for me. For example, in primary school, my father insisted I learn a musical instrument. Though I was allowed to choose whatever instrument I wanted, I didn’t enjoy music at all and randomly picked the flute. After three years of half-hearted lessons, I gave up. Unlike some of my friends who grew to love their instruments, I still dislike flute today.
Looking back, I think I would’ve thrived if I had been encouraged to explore sports instead. I’ve always enjoyed being active, and even if I had to pick music, instruments like the guitar or piano — things I later found fascinating through YouTube — might have resonated more with me.
Growing up without today’s easy access to inspiring content, like videos online, limited my exposure to things that could have sparked a passion. Instead, I fell into a habit of blindly following directions, working hard toward goals set by others, without questioning why those goals mattered to me.
The Curse of “Good at Everything”
In high school, I earned straight As and was admitted to a prestigious university as a result. On the surface, this seemed like success, but it came at a cost. Excelling in every subject left me directionless as I had no clear favorite. High school didn’t challenge me enough to force a reckoning with what I truly loved. My focus was on grades, not self-discovery or future planning.
If I could go back, I’d ask my younger self, “What would you do if money doesn’t matter? If you could retire today, how would you spend your time?” I think stripping away external pressures can help us see our true desires. I’d also tell myself to make decisions independently. Parents often act out of love, but their vision for your future might not reflect your own dreams. Remember, you’re the one who will live with the consequences of your choices. Life is too short to follow a path that isn’t truly yours, so choose boldly, take ownership, and make sure you have no regrets.
College Struggles: A Crisis of Misdirection
Entering college, I chose chemical engineering because my father believed the pharmaceutical industry was recession-proof. It didn’t take long for me to realize I had no talent for it and no love for the subject. Advanced coursework felt like torture, and I hated spending hours on assignments that led to a future I didn’t want.
When I shared my frustrations, my father told me, “Learning is painful no matter what you study.” What he didn’t say — and what I only realized much later — is that not all pain is equal. Pain exists on a spectrum, and while some levels are a natural part of growth, others are toxic and can crush your spirit. The drudgery I experienced wasn’t just ordinary discomfort. It was overwhelming because I had no passion to balance it out. When you’re pursuing something you truly care about, challenges feel like hurdles to overcome, not unbearable burdens. But when you’re trapped in something you don’t love, that pain can fester, affecting your mental state in ways you might not even fully understand at the time.
If you feel constant dread, frustration, or hopelessness, don’t ignore it. Your mental state is often your body’s way of telling you something is deeply wrong. Learning should stretch you, not break you. Recognizing the difference is crucial for your well-being and your ability to find a path that truly fulfills you.
Discovering My Passion
The turning point came when I decided to switch my major to computer science for grad school. It was a very challenging journey to make the switch happen, but it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made because computer science turned out to be something I truly love. After graduating and working in the industry for several years, I’ve come to understand what it feels like to study something you’re passionate about.
Graduate-level computer science courses can be incredibly difficult. Debugging distributed systems and tackling the math behind machine learning are no easy tasks. Yet, I never found myself complaining. I wouldn’t even call it painful. Instead, it was challenging but exciting. Every obstacle sparked curiosity and pushed me to dig deeper. That curiosity and drive never faded.
I initially entered computer science through machine learning and databases while taking data science classes, but my curiosity quickly expanded to other areas. I delved into operating systems, distributed systems, and even taught myself computer hardware in my spare time. The contrast was striking: as a chemical engineering student, I dreaded every hour in the lab. In computer science, I could spend hours joyfully building my own application.
When you’re in a field where everything fascinates you, where curiosity drives you to learn and grow constantly, you’ve found your passion. Passion can fuel curiosity and persistence, transform effort into joy, and empowers you to navigate even the toughest challenges.
Looking Back: The Clues Were Always There
In hindsight, the clues were always there. As a kid, I loved playing with Lego, assembling pieces to create something bigger. Software engineering felt like an extension of that: building something complex from simple blocks. I also dreamed of starting my own business, and computer science provided the perfect launchpad — flexible, lightweight, and low-cost. You can start at any time, and all you need is a laptop.
These seemingly small interests held the key to my passion. But the problem was, I hadn’t paid attention to them. Often, only you can notice these clues, and they’re easy to dismiss.
Final Thoughts
Discovering passion requires listening to your inner self. It’s easy to lose that voice under external pressures or expectations, but it’s worth fighting for. Your feelings are valid, and they’re the compass to a fulfilling life.
Take time to explore, question, and trust your instincts. Life is too short to live by someone else’s playbook. Find what excites you, follow it wholeheartedly, and leave no regrets.
